featured – David Mariner

Gender and Sexuality Pride Flags

December 4, 2022August 18, 2022 by David Mariner

Here is a quick guide to some of the most common flags used in the LGBT community (and beyond) to describe gender and/or sexuality related identities. While definitions are provided for reference, please know definitions of many of these terms are evolving and changing all the time. I encourage you to explore these identities further to learn more.

Agender Pride Flag

Agender refers to a person A person who does not identify themselves as. having a particular gender. The Agender Pride Flag was designed by Salem X in 2014.

The flag features a mirrored design of seven horizontal stripes. The black and white stripes represent an absence of gender, the gray stripe represents semi-genderlessness and the central green stripe represents nonbinary genders.

Asexual Pride Flag

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships. An asexual person may or may not experience romantic attraction (see aromantic) but will feel no need to act out that attraction sexually.

In the Summer of 2010, a number of asexuality sites, led by users on AVEN, came up with a number of designs for an asexuality flag, then held a multi-stage vote to determine the winner. The selected design was created by AVEN user standup

Aromantic Pride Flag

There are two different versions of the Aromantic Pride Flag. This is the one currently most commonly used.

Bisexual Pride Flag

Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior toward more than one sex or gender identity, or romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity; this latter aspect is sometimes termed pansexuality.

The bisexual pride flag was designed by Michael Page in 1998. The first bisexual pride flag was inspired by his work with BiNet USA.

Bear Pride Flag

In male gay culture, a bear is often a larger, hairier man who projects an image of rugged masculinity. Bears are one of many LGBT communities with events, codes, and a culture-specific identity. In many communities bear clubs” have been created to provide social and sexual opportunities. Many clubs are loosely organized social groups; others are modeled on leather biker-patch clubs, with a strict set of bylaws, membership requirements, and charities. Craig Byrnes created the Bear pride flag in 1995.

Genderqueer Pride Flag

Genderqueer describes a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders. The Genderqueer Pride Flag was created by Marilyn Roxie in 2011. This flag has also been adopted by many in the Gender Non-Binary community. While some currently use these two terms interchangeably, others maintain genderqueer and gender non-binary have overlapping, but separate definitions.

Intersex Flag

Intersex is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male. There are two distinct flags commonly associated with intersex identities. The first one (not pictured here) is derivative of the Trans Pride flag and is not used as commonly these days. The flag shown here was created by Intersex Australia in 2013.

Lesbian Pride Flag

While there have been different versions of the Lesbian Pride Flag over the years, this is the one most commonly used today. Emily Gwen created this flag in 2018 based on the lickstick lesbian flag . This flag retained the seven stripes from the lipstick flag, but changed the top set to orange shades. The stripes, from top to bottom, represent ‘gender non-conformity’ (dark orange), ‘independence’ (orange), ‘community’ (light orange), ‘unique relationships to womanhood’ (white) , ‘serenity and peace’ (pink), ‘love and sex’ (dusty pink), and ‘femininity’ (dark rose).

Leather Pride Flag

Leather culture is most visible in gay communities and most often associated with gay men (“leathermen”), but it is also reflected in various ways in the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight worlds. Many people associate leather culture with the consensual exchange of power in romantic and/or sexual relationships. The leather flag was created by Tony DeBlase in 1989. He first presented the design at the International Mister Leather event in Chicago, Illinois, U.S. on May 28, 1989.

Nonbinary Pride Flag

Kye Rowan created the nonbinary pride flag in 2014. It was meant to be flown alongside the genderqueer flag. 17-year-old Kyle Rowan created the binary flag for existing outside binary which is symbolized by the yellow. The white represents all genders, black is no gender, and purple is a mix of genders.

Pansexual Pride Flag

Pansexuals have the capability of attraction to others regardless of their gender identity or biological sex.

A pansexual could be open to someone who is male, female, transgender, intersex, or agendered/genderqueer.

Poly Pride Flag

Polyamory is the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time. Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

The flag was created by Jim Evans.

The Rainbow Flag

This is the inclusive flag most frequently associated with the entire lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, & questioning communities. The original gay pride flag flew in the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade on June 25, 1978 and was designed by Gilbert Baker. The original Rainbow Flag had an additional hot pink stripe that is no longer used today.

Progress Pride Flag

Graphic designer Daniel Quasar has added a five-colored chevron to the LGBT Rainbow Flag to place a greater emphasis on “inclusion and progression”.

The flag includes black and brown stripes to represent marginalized LGBT communities of color, along with the colors pink, light blue and white, which are used on the Transgender Pride Flag. Quasar’s design builds on a design adopted by the city of Philadelphia in June 2017. Philadelphia’s version added black and brown stripes to the top of the Rainbow Flag, to represent LGBT communities of color.

Transgender Pride Flag

Transgender is a term used to describe people whose gender identity differs from the sex the doctor marked on their birth certificate. Gender identity is a person’s internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman (or someone outside of that gender binary). For transgender people, the sex they were assigned at birth and their own internal gender identity do not match. The Trans Pride flag was designed by Monica Helms in 1999

Straight Ally Flag

A straight ally or heterosexual ally is a heterosexual and/or cisgender person who supports equal civil rights, gender equality, LGBT social movements, and challenges homophobia, biphobia and transphobia.

Crystal Meth: How to Ask for Help

August 25, 2021January 1, 2019 by David Mariner

If you think you’ve got a problem with meth , recognizing that you have a problem is the first step in getting help.

A lot of people think they can kick meth and other drugs on their own, but that’s not going to work for most people. To get started, you need to find someone you can trust to discuss your problem with.

A friend or loved one can be a good option at first, particularly if you think they can help you without being judgmental or trying to use your problem to control you. A supportive and understanding person outside of your family or friends may be your best option, especially if that person has faced a problem with meth before. If you can’t talk to your significant other, a siblingor a parent, you may want to approach a counselor, a doctor, a religious leader, a former user on the road to recovery, or a hotline operator.

So, how do you ask for help? Try nine simple words “I have a problem, and I need your help.”

Practice those words over and over until you can say them to the person you want to turn to for help. If your intended helper doesn’t know you use meth, or even if he or she does know, you need to continue: “My problem is meth.” Saying it is very powerful-you take your problem out of your head and puts it where others can help. There! It’s not a secret anymore, and you’ve asked someone for help. Now, to make certain that you get the help you need to deal with your problem, here are some things you can do to make getting help for you easier on the person you asked.

Have a vision of what “help” means to you right now .

If you still need to talk with someone to figure out what that “help” is, ask your helper to help you find and show up for either a Crystal Meth Anonymous meeting or a counselor. You can start by looking at www.crystalmeth.org .
If you just want to get your use to a level where it isn’t running your life, tell your helper that you want to learn to use less. Let them know that you want to cut back on your use and ask them to help you find a “harm reduction” program or specialist. In the DC area, a monthly harm reduction group takes place at the DC Center. Find out more at 202 682-2245.
If you want to stop using completely, tell your helper that you want treatment to stop using and what type of insurance you have, if any. Don’t let a lack of money or insurance stand in your way, though. Let your helper know that there are lists of treatment centers available online or by calling 1-800-662-4357.

Have this guide handy when you ask for help, too . If emotions keep you from saying too much, you can always point to words on the page to ask for help and to describe the help you need. The website at the bottom of this page can help your helper and you, too!

Overcoming a drug problem is not easy . Quitting drugs is probably going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but it will be one of the things you’re most proud of having done, too. It’s not a sign of weakness if you need professional help from a trained drug counselor or therapist. Most people who try to kick a drug or alcohol program need professional assistance or treatment programs to meet their goals.

Once you decide start a treatment program–whether inpatient or outpatient or through 12-step meetings (CMA)–try these tips to make the road to recovery less bumpy:

Tell your friends about your decision to stop using drugs. Real friends will respect your decision. But also keep in mind that you may need to find new friends who will be 100% supportive. Unless all of your friends get off drugs together, you won’t be able to hang out with the buds you got high with before. It may hurt like hell to give up your friends, but you’re choosing the life you want for yourself, not they life that they want you to have.
Ask your friends or family to be available when you need them. You may need tocall someone in the middle of the night just to talk. If you’re going through a tough time, don’t try to handle things on your own – accept the help your family and friends offer.
Accept only invitations to events that you know won’t involve drugs. Going to themovies is probably safe, but you may want to skip a Friday night party until you’re feeling more secure. Plan activities that don’t involve drugs. Go to the movies or to museums, try bowling, or take a class with a friend.
Have a plan about what you’ll do if you find yourself in a place with drugs. The temptation will be there eventually, but if you know how you’re going to handle it, you’ll be OK. Establish a plan with your friends and family so that if you call home using a code, they’ll know that your call is a signal you need to get out where you are fast.
Remind yourself that having a drug problem doesn’t make you bad or weak. If you slip up and use a bit, talk a counselor or someone in your treatment program as soon as possible. There’s nothing to be ashamed about, but it’s important to recognize the slip quickly so that all of the hard work you put into your recovery is not lost.

If you’re worried about a friend who has an addiction, use these tips to help him or her, too. For example, let your friend know that you are available to talk or offer your support. If you notice a friend using again, talk about it openly and ask what you can do to help. If your friend is going back to drugs and won’t accept your help, don’t be afraid to talk to a counselor. It may seem like you’re ratting your friend out, but it’s the best support you can offer.

Above all, offer a friend who’s battling a drug problem lots of encouragement and praise. It may seem corny, but hearing that you care is just the kind of motivation your friend needs.

Staying Clean

Recovering from a drug or alcohol addiction doesn’t end with a 6-week treatment program. It’s a lifelong process. Many people find that joining a support group can help them stay clean. There are support groups specifically for teens and younger people, too. You’ll meet people who have gone through the same experiences you have, and you’ll be able to participate in real-life discussions about drugs that you won’t hear elsewhere.Many people find that helping others is also the best way to help themselves. Your understanding of how difficult the recovery process can be will help you to support others -both teens and adults – who are battling an addiction.If you do have a relapse, recognizing the problem as soon as possible is critical. Get help right away so that you don’t undo all the hard work you put into your initial recovery. And don’t ever be afraid to ask for help!

Originally created by the DC Crystal Meth Working Group which is not currently active.

Follow Friday: Bisexual Activists

April 17, 2018September 22, 2017 by David Mariner

In honor of #BiWeek, this #FollowFriday features eight amazing bisexual activists you should be following on twitter.

Heron Greenesmith

twitter.com/herong

Heron Greenesmith is a policy attorney and researcher for LGBT folks, and an advocate for bi-visibility. Heron is currently a senior policy analyst at the Movement Advancement Project. They have written about employment discrimination and the legal invisibility of bisexuality. Heron is a graduate of the University of New Hampshire and American University, Washington College of Law and is admitted to the New York and Massachusetts bars. They are a board member of the National LGBT Bar Association, a fellow with the Rockwood Leadership Institute, and a returned Peace Corps Volunteer.

Robin Ochs

twitter.com/robynochs

Robyn Ochs is an educator, speaker, grassroots activist, and editor of the Bi Women Quarterly, and two anthologies: the 42-country collection Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World and RECOGNIZE: The Voices of Bisexual Men. Her writings have been published in numerous bi, women’s studies, multicultural, and LGBT anthologies.

Faith Cheltenham

twitter.com/thefayth

Past President and current Vice President of BiNet USA, Faith Cheltenham helps coordinate bisexual advocacy, outreach and networking efforts for the bisexual, pansexual and fluid communities in America. Faith has been involved in LGBT activism since 1999 and has spoken at locations as varied as San Diego Comic Con, the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force’s Creating Change Conference, UCLA, and Yale University. In 2012, she was named one of Advocate magazine’s “Forty Under 40” and was appointed to the University of California’s LGBT Task Force.

Ron Suresha

twitter.com/rjsuresha

Ron Suresha is an editor, anthologist, and creative nonfiction writer. He is a three-time Lambda Literary Award finalist, and is considered an authority on emergent queer masculinities, focusing on the subcultures of gay and bisexual male Bears and of male bisexuality.

Suresha is the senior editor, with Pete Chvany, Ph.D, of Bi Men: Coming Out copublished as a double issue of the Journal of Bisexuality (5: 2/3), and solo editor of the 2006 fiction anthology Bi Guys: Firsthand Fiction, both named Finalists for the 2006 Lambda Literary Award in bisexual literature.

Loraine Hutchins

twitter.com/hutchinsloraine

Loraine Hutchins, Ph.D., is a founder and leader of the U.S. bisexual rights and liberation movement who has increasingly integrated issues of spirituality into her sexuality education work. She co-edited Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out, the anthology that catalyzed the bi movement and is still in print and well-beloved in college courses thirteen years later. A native Washingtonian, Hutchins has always emphasized the inter-connecting issues of race, gender and class in her work and sexual liberation’s connection to overall issues of social justice and human rights.

Yesenia Chavez

twitter.com/msyeseniachavez

Yesenia Chavez is the Legislative Assistant for U.S. Representative Raúl M. Grijalva (AZ-03). A progressive Latina and voice for Queer People of Color on the hill, she also serves on the Board of Directors of the LGBT Congressional Staff Association. The Association is an official, non-partisan Congressional staff organization whose mission is to advance the interests of current as well as prospective members and the LGBT community at large.

H Sharif Herukhuti Williams

twitter.com/DrHerukhuti

H. Sharif “Herukhuti” Williams, PhD, MEd, is a liberatory sociologist, cultural studies scholar, sex educator, playwright/poet and award-winning author. Dr. Herukhuti holds a doctoral concentration in transformative learning for social justice and specializations in sexuality and cross-cultural studies of knowledge. He held a Lambda Literary Foundation inaugural playwriting fellowship and National Endowment of the Humanities fellowship in the Black Aesthetics and African-Centered Cultural Expressions Summer Institute at Emory University. He is a member of the editorial boards of Journal of Bisexuality and Journal of Black Sexuality and Relationships. He co-edited the award-winning anthology Recognize: The Voices of Bisexual Men.

Angela Dallara

twitter.com/angeladallara

Angela Dallara is the director of external communications at Freedom for All Americans, where she manages the organization’s day-to-day communications operations and media presence. She has more than five years’ experience cultivating relationships with reporters and securing media coverage in prestigious outlets including the New York Times, Washington Post, Associated Press, Bloomberg, Los Angeles Times, NPR, MSNBC, and more. She has ghostwritten op-eds for leading LGBT advocates in diverse outlets such as Reuters, CNN.com, USA Today, Boston Globe, Philadelphia Inquirer, Miami Herald, Huffington Post, and more. She has hosted press conferences on key legislative votes, judicial hearings, and town halls on LGBT issues. As part of her role, for nearly two years she has driven media strategy for the Freedom Massachusetts campaign which in 2016 successfully updated the state’s nondiscrimination law to include explicit protections for transgender people in public places. Prior to her current position, she served as deputy communications director at Freedom to Marry, the campaign that won marriage for same-sex couples.

Arson Destroys Home of LGBT Activist in Likely Hate Crime.

September 21, 2017September 21, 2017 by David Mariner

LGBT activism is alive and well in Jackson, Michigan. This year saw the launch of the Jackson Pride Center, which opened their first space in the basement of John’s United Church of Christ. Following this success Nikki Joly, Director of the Jackson Pride Center, and the growing LGBTQ community in Jackson, set their sites on organizing their first ever Jackson Pride Event.

Nikki is a nurse, a veteran, and a respected employee of the local Red Cross; the perfect candidate to lead the effort alongside many local activists in Jackson. A small but vocal opposition, however, was determined to stand against this progress, and that opposition included threats of violence. PrideSource.com reports that Jackson Area Landlord Association’s President Robert Tulloch warned members of the city council via e-mail stating: “I saw something on a site about marching to Blackman Park and raising a flag? I hope they are not planning to raise a gay flag. That is an in your face declaration of war and will be met with a violent response. This IS the queer agenda.”

Despite the threats, Jackson Pride took place on August 5th. Just a few days after, however, an act of arson destroyed the home of Nikki Joly and his partner Chris Moore. Accelerants were used in the arson which caused the house to quickly go up in flames, claiming the lives of their two dogs and three cats. Their home and their belongings were completely destroyed in what is now being investigated as a hate crime.

I had the opportunity to meet Nikki at the recent CenterLink Summit, an annual gathering of LGBT community center leaders from around the country. I was truly inspired by the work Nikki is doing. Nikki is tenacious, and I know beyond all doubt that he will continue this incredibly important work.

A fund has been established to help Nikki and his partner Chris rebuild their lives. I just made a donation to support them, and I ask you to do the same. Just follow the link below:

Click here to visit the youcaring page for Nikki and Chris and make a donation.

Help Gay Russian Asylum Seeker Pursue His Art

September 11, 2017September 11, 2017 by Guest Columnist

Please read this message from my friend and Russian Asylum seeker Andrey Nasonov. Visit his gofundme page to read the complete story and support his dream of becoming an artist.

As many of you already know, three years ago I moved to the US. Political asylum. You can read about it here Beaten for Being Gay in Russia – Andrey’s Story , here Gay asylum seeker flees violence in Putin’s Russia or here Escape from Russia: My Independence Day

Now I look back and try to examine the first three years that I’ve spent in the USA. Certainly, these were some of the most difficult and interesting years in my life. I can talk about them a lot … But I’ll go straight to the main point.

I do not regret that I chose this path. But I still look at the years I’ve spent in the United States with a serious amount of regret. I have not lived these three years as I could have. I did not do what I could have done. Life difficulties forced me to include a “self-preservation regime”, which was based solely on my fear. On a fear of being without money, on a fear of being without a roof over my head or a piece of bread, on a fear of being without friends or even without my husband. On a fear of losing myself or losing my life. I found a job, which was extremely hard for me, for a very small amount of money (by American standards). I could not find other options. Of course, because of that, I was very unhappy. And, slowly but surely, it was killing me. For a year and a half, I lived in an endless cycle of “work-house-tears at night and fatigue”.

At some point, I realized that this work almost broke me. And now I am in the process of making perhaps one of the most important decisions of recent years. The kinds of decisions that turn life into a different direction. I hope that it will not be a mistake and that in due time I will remember this time with a pleasant smile on my face.

I love to draw. I really love to draw. Moreover, almost everything I’ve drawn in the US over these three years has already been sold. I will not be too modest now. I finally realized that my drawings are something that people really like, that can be sold. They give me not only moral satisfaction but also money. And this really can become my life’s work.

I’ve had enough of living with the permanent feeling of «I hope very soon everything will change!». It will not happen until I do something about it. My strengths and my ambitions for this are quite enough. I know.

I’m quitting my job. This is a very serious decision, despite all the emotionality of the text you read now. And despite all the sadness in my life now. In August of this year, I will open my business and will start working as a full-time artist.

I have an incredible opportunity to open my own art studio. Yes, I will be the happiest person in the world. I will finally start doing what I really like. I will become an independent and confident person.

Why am I writing to you about this? I want to ask you for support. Informational or financial. I ask you to tell your friends about the Artist Who Dreams. I ask you to support me at this initial stage of my work. The opening of the art studio is a very costly undertaking both in terms of the efforts made and financially. Any $5 of yours brings me closer to my dream. To everyone that makes a donation, I promise a personal surprise – something very, very interesting! Yes, yes, it’s certainly about my drawings 😉

Click here to make a donation and support Andrey’s Dreams

Click here to make a donation and support Andrey’s Dream.

Follow Friday: Transgender Veterans and Service Members

February 27, 2019July 28, 2017 by David Mariner

An estimated 15,000 Transgender Americans are Veterans or Active Service Members in the U.S. Armed Forces (Williams Institute). This Follow Friday is an opportunity to meet just a few of them. Follow these committed and brave activists and share their stories with your friends. It’s important to put some names and faces to the conversations that are currently happening about trans service.

Ken Ochoa

twitter.com/kenmaverick

Drill Seargant Ken Ochoa joined the Army in 2010 and began his transition in 2014, long before it was allowed. Ken has been serving openly as a transgender man for more than year.

Ken was planning to re-enlist in the Army this year. In a recent article in BBC News, however, he states:

“”Now I don’t even know if I can do that,” he said. “It just seems like chaos, so many unknowns.”

Jamie Lee Henry

twitter.com/MAJ_JLee_MD

Jamie Lee Henry joined the Army at the young age of seventeen and currently serves as a doctor and major in the Army’s Medical Corps. She also is a transgender woman.

Jamie Lee Henry came out in May 2015 in a Buzfeed article written by Chris Geidner

Jamie is the first known active-duty Army officer to come out as transgender. The Army granted her request to officially change her name and gender. Jamie gives credit to her commanding officer for supporting her during this time, telling Buzzfeed News: “My commander said, ‘I don’t care who you love, I don’t care how you identify, I want you to be healthy and I want you to be able to do your job.”

Evan Young

twitter.com/maj_evan_young

Evan Young is the President of the Transgender American Veterans Association, which works to ensure that transgender veterans will receive appropriate care and advocate for transgender veterans with the Department of Veterans Affairs and Department of Defense. Evan graduated from basic training in 1929 eventually rising to the rank of Major before his retirement in 2013.

Karen Kendra Holmes

twitter.com/karenholmes

Karen Kendra Holmes works for the Corporation for National & Community Service. She is also, however a Staff Sergeant with the Maryland Defense Force

In 2012 she received the Soldier of the Year Award from the by the Maryland State Guard Association, and in 2013 she received the National Soldier of the Year Award from the State Guard Association of the United States.

Karen volunteers her time with a wide variety of organizations including PFLAG Metro DC, the American Red Cross, and Equality Maryland.

Brynn Tannehil

twitter.com/brynntannehill

Brynn Tannehill graduated from the Naval Academy with a B.S. in computer science in 1997. She earned her Naval Aviator wings in 1999 and flew SH-60B helicopters and P-3C maritime patrol aircraft during three deployments between 2000 and 2004. She served as a campaign analyst while deployed overseas to 5th Fleet Headquarters in Bahrain from 2005 to 2006. In 2008 Brynn earned a M.S. in Operations Research from the Air Force Institute of Technology and transferred from active duty to the Naval Reserves.

In 2008 Brynn began working as a senior defense research scientist in private industry. Brynn serves on the Board of Directors for Trans United. Brynn and her wife Janis currently live in Springfield, VA, with their three children.

Shane Ortega

twitter.com/onlyshaneortega

Shane Ortega is an American Soldier who served with both the U.S. Army and the U.S Marines. Ortega has served three hostile fire combat tours, two in Iraq, one in Afghanistan.

Ortega has used to his personal experience to become a powerful advocate for transgender service members. Now retired, Ortega pursues a wide variety of interests. He is a sought after public speaker, community activist, a professionally ranked body-builder, and a brand ambassador with #ILoveGay.

Laila Ireland

twitter.com/lailaireland

Laila Ireland served in the Army as a combat nurse. An Iraq veteran and transgender woman, her service included three combat tours.

Laila is married to Logan Ireland, an openly trans man who currently is serving in the Airforce.

As members of SPARTA, Laila and her husband have been powerful advocates for the transgender community. Find out more about Laila and Logan in this recent article.

Kristen Beck

twitter.com/valor4us

Kristen Beck is a retired United States Navy SEAL who gained public attention in 2013 when she came out as a trans woman. She published her memoir in June 2013, Warrior Princess: A U.S. Navy SEAL’s Journey to Coming out Transgender, detailing her experiences.[1]

Beck served in the U.S. Navy for twenty years and is the first openly transgender former U.S. Navy SEAL.

Transgender Service Members and Veterans

Young, Muslim, & Halfway Out of the Closet

September 10, 2017July 18, 2017 by Guest Columnist

Coming out. Diana Ross, emotional YouTube videos and dusty old closets are just some of the things that spring to mind, but the truth is everybody’s definition is unique. For me the process began long before I opened the closet door. Coming from a Muslim background I used to pray to God to straighten me out and so naturally I avoided pornography and all the sin that comes with it for longer than most horny teens. When I finally had my sexual awakening I felt guilty at first, but the more exposure I had to this strange yet familiar gay world and the more people I spoke to, the more I began to accept myself and think maybe I don’t have to marry a woman and have kids in a dark closet. The first step is coming out to yourself because if you can’t come out to yourself, how in the hell you gonna come out to anyone else?!

My sisters were always going to be the first people I told – at the ripe old age of 19 in a Wahaca restaurant. I was fairly certain they would take it well but you always have that doubt in the back of your mind. Everyone always talks about the feeling of a weight being lifted off your shoulders but I felt more nervous and weirded out by the whole situation. Like I said everyone’s experience is different and you should never compare yourself to others. Nevertheless, it has allowed us to grow closer and I hope this continues. Meeting up with my oblivious parents the next day, after deep chats with my sister was bizarre to say the least, but having someone to talk to is always better than no one.

Over that summer I told everyone close to me who I thought would take it well and thankfully they all did. At first it all seems very serious and formal so it can be difficult to know how to approach the reveal. However, I found that the more open I was the easier it became to casually drop the bombshell, or not feel the need to make a point of it because it’s already obvious and they clearly don’t give two shits. It’s 2017, I’ve told more than one person over Snapchat for God’s sake.

University is liberating for everyone but it can be especially important for LGBT+ people to grow their often-suppressed personality, away from potential pressures and glaring eyes at home. This was undoubtedly the case for me. For the first time, I could meet people and be realer than I ever had before. I’m still working on finding my authentic self but that is what coming out is all about. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I would be attending drag shows with gay friends, becoming the BAME representative for the LGBT+ society or marching in a pride parade, but this and so much more is what you have to look forward to. All you have to do is turn that key.

I am speaking to you a year on from first opening that closet door, with one foot in and one foot out. Primarily due to unanswered questions about how my religion can reconcile with my sexuality and the fact that my parents are still in the dark. It’s not easy for me to enlighten them because they are practicing Muslims who are against homosexuality. This has created a barrier which prevents us from growing close as I have to act straight in front of them, or rather just exist. For this reason I have considered switching that light on as early as the end of this summer. I know it will not be easy at first and it may even drive us further apart, but I live for the chance that we could have a better relationship. I can’t see them die having lived a lie.

Being stuck in the closet for so long has forced me to suppress my personality to the extent that I don’t even know who the real me is. But I like to think that a year from now I could be finding myself to the tune of RuPaul’s latest gay anthem, as far away as possible from that dark closet I used to call home, along with many of you.

Peace and love,

Someone like you x

Support is available. The Muslim Alliance for Sexual and Gender Diversity (MASGD) works to support, empower and connect LGBTQ Muslims. Find out more at www.muslimalliance.org.

The Issues Facing LGBT Older Adults

July 13, 2017 by David Mariner

It is estimated that there are approximately 2.7 million LGBT adults aged 50 and older in the United States, 1.1 million of whom are 65 and older. Understanding Issues Facing LGBT Older Adults provides an overview of their unique needs and experiences so that service providers, advocates, the aging network, and policymakers can consider these factors when serving this population or passing laws that impact older adults and the LGBT community.

This report was written by SAGE USA and the Movement Advancement Project. Download the complete report below:

Understanding Issues Facing LGBT Older Adults

The Shower of Stoles Project

July 10, 2017 by David Mariner

The Shower of Stoles is a collection of over a thousand liturgical stoles and other sacred items representing the lives of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people of faith. These religious leaders have served in thirty-two denominations and faith traditions, in six countries, and on three continents. Each stole contains the story of a GLBT person who is active in the life and leadership of their faith community in some way: minister, elder, deacon, teacher, missionary, musician, administrator, or active layperson. This extraordinary collection celebrates the gifts of GLBT persons ministering in countless ways, while also lifting up those who have been excluded from service because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The collection bears witness to the huge loss of leadership that the church has brought upon itself because of its own unjust policies. The vast majority of the stoles have been sent in by gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people themselves. For more information contact the National LGBT Task Force. WelcomingResources.org

Follow Friday: Asian and Pacific Islander LGBTQ Voices

January 13, 2017 by David Mariner

Asian and Pacific Islander Americans are the fastest growing minority group in the nation (NQAPIA). According to a Williams Institute 2013 report, an estimated 325,000 or 2.8% of all Asian and Pacific Islander (API) adults in the United States identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT). This #FollowFriday we highlight just a few of the many LGBTQ Asian and Pacific Islander Americans (and one Canadian) who are a part of our movement.

Gregory Cendana

twitter.com/gregorycendana

Strategist, politico and coalition builder Gregory Cendana is the first openly gay and youngest-ever Executive Director of the Asian Pacific American Labor Alliance and Institute for Asian Pacific American Leadership & Advancement. He is the immediate past Chair of National Council of Asian Pacific Americans, co-founder of the diversity initiative Inclusv, Treasurer for the Labor Coalition for Community Action and is the youngest General Board member of the AFL-CIO, a federation of labor unions representing 12 million workers.

He also co-authored Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders (AAPIs) Behind Bars: Exposing the School to Prison to Deportation Pipeline, a first of its kind report on the impact mass incarceration and mass criminalization in the AAPI community.

Elisha Lim

twitter.com/elisha_c_lim

Elisha Lim is a graphic novelist and claymation animator who can’t ever leave Toronto, although they have tried, with Singapore, Berlin, London, the east coast of Australia and Montreal. They have 100 Crushes but they always come home. They decorate their most heartfelt stories with embellished frames and intimately detailed portraits. They also curate, lecture, jury and direct festivals to promote themes close their heart: radical inclusion and respect around race and gender.

Jose Antonio Vargas

twitter.com/joseiswriting

Jose Antonio Vargas is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, filmmaker, and media entrepreneur whose work centers on the changing American identity. He is the founder and CEO of Define American, a non-profit media and culture organization that seeks to elevate the conversation around immigration and citizenship in America; and the founder of #EmergingUS, a media start-up that lives at the intersection of race, immigration, and identity in a multicultural America. #EmergingUS is the first-ever media property owned by an undocumented immigrant.

In June 2011, the New York Times Magazine published a groundbreaking essay he wrote in which he revealed and chronicled his life in America as an undocumented immigrant.

Urooj Arshad

twitter.com/roojielicious

Urooj Arshad is the Associate director of International Youth Health and Rights at Advocates for Youth. She manages a project of the International Division that builds the capacity of youth-driven organizations in Africa, Asia, Latin America, and the Caribbean to empower young people as strong advocates within their own countries and at international forums on reproductive and sexual health and rights of youth, especially young women and LGBTQ youth.

Urooj is serves on the Board of Directors for the Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice and is a steering committee member of the Muslim Alliance for Sexual and Gender Diversity (MASGD)

Ben de Guzman

twitter.com/bdeguzman94

Ben de Guzman has been a leading voice for over a dozen years both locally and nationally on a range of issues in the AAPI and LGBT communities, including: civil rights, veterans and immigration policy; leadership training and development; and advocacy and organizing.

Ben has worked for LGBT advocacy organizations including SAGE and NQAPIA. Ben also previously served as the National Coordinator for the National Alliance for Filipino Veterans Equity (NAFVE), where he ran the successful legislative campaign to achieve payments for and recognize the military service of Filipinos who fought under the United States during World War II

He serves on the Executive Committee for the Filipino Veterans Recognition and Education Project.

Farzana Doctor

twitter.com/farzanadoctor

Farzana Doctor is a Canadian novelist and social worker. She has published two novels to date, and won the 2011 Dayne Ogilvie Grant from the Writers’ Trust of Canada for an emerging lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender writer.

Her second novel, Six Metres of Pavement, was also a nominee for the 2012 Lambda Literary Awards in the category of Lesbian Fiction, and was announced as the winner of the award on June 4, 2012.

Born in Zambia to Dawoodi Bohra Muslim expatriate parents from India, she immigrated to Canada with her family in the early 1970s. In addition to her writing career, Doctor works as a psychotherapist, coordinates a regular reading series in Toronto’s Brockton Village neighbourhood, and coproduced Rewriting The Script: A Loveletter to Our Families, a documentary film about the family relationships of LGBT people in Toronto’s South Asian immigrant communities

Andy Marra

twitter.com/andy_marra

Andy Marra is the Communications Manager for the Arcus Foundation. Prior to Arcus, she was the Public Relations Manager for the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Previously, she was Co-Director of Nodutdol for Korean Community Development and Senior Media Strategist for GLAAD. Andy has also served on boards and advisory councils, including Chinese for Affirmative Action, Funding Exchange, Human Rights Campaign, the National Campaign to End the Korean War, and the National Center for Transgender Equality.

Andy has been honored by the White House for her contributions to the LGBT movement, profiled in The Advocate’s “Forty Under 40″ and the inaugural Trans 100, and listed as one of The Huffington Post’s “Most Compelling LGBT People.” She is also the past recipient of the GLSEN Pathfinder Award, the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force Creating Change Award, the Colin Higgins Foundation Courage Award, and was honored by the City of New York for her work in the community.

Jes Tom

twitter.com/jestom

Born & raised in San Francisco and now established in New York, Jes Tom is a fresh voice in stand up comedy.

Their first 30 minute comedy special, Cold Brew, was recorded live in August 2016 at Astoria’s QED: A Place to Show and Tell. Cold Brew is an elegy for the Fuckboi. It’s a cautionary lamentation about being Queer and getting your heart broken in the age of “Love is Love is Love.” Through stand up, storytelling, and uncomfortably public vulnerability, COLD BREW tackles “falling in love,” astrology, interracial relationships, Pokémon, gay porn, and the inevitable fall of society as we know it

Jes Tom holds a BA in Theatre from Smith College. They have completed the Meisner Acting program at Maggie Flanigan Studio.