Men

Men Having Babies Launches Initiative to Encourage Inclusive Employer Surrogacy Benefits

by
Men Having Babies

Men Having Babies (MHB) is working to increase awareness and transparency about the availability of workplace family building benefits, to encourage more employers to offer such benefits to gay couples and singles, and expand them to cover surrogacy-specific costs as well. A social media campaign, employer database and an advocacy toolkit are part of this new effort, underwritten by EMD Serono and MHB’s other Impact Partners.

Since its inception in 2012, MHB’s mission has included “promoting the affordability of surrogacy-related services through advocacy, financial assistance, and the encouragement of transparency.” In recent years, MHB has expanded the scope of its advocacy to directly tackle the systemic financial, legal and societal barriers our members face. Much of this involves advocacy to remove discriminatory insurance and taxation laws, including:

  • Initiating and collaborating with RESOLVE and NCLR (National Center for Lesbian Rights) to create model legislation for IVF mandates that are inclusive of “all those who are in need of reproductive assistance;”
  • Working with other nonprofits to pass legislation based on the model act in Illinois, Maine, New Jersey and Washington, DC — with similar legislation efforts ongoing in 9 more states;
  • Encouraging ASRM to formally amend their definition of “infertility” in line with the above model legislation;
  • Introducing a bill to allow tax deductions for surrogacy expenses in collaboration with several nonprofit partners.

These medical guidelines and legislative changes are significant steps in the move towards making IVF and surrogacy more accessible for queer men, but another significant area of support can come from discretionary initiatives of private companies. In fact, a growing number of large employers, including many tech, financial and pharmaceutical multinationals and even workers’ unions and local governments, are electing to offer family building benefits for recruitment, retention, and effectiveness at work. These packages typically range from $10,000 to $80,000 and may cover adoption, fertility treatments (e.g. IVF) and/or surrogacy.

MHB’s new Employer Surrogacy Benefits Initiative plans to tap into this corporate shift and contribute to its expansion and better utilization. The MHB initiative therefore has three main goals:

  1. Showcasing and commending companies that are offering generous and inclusive fertility benefits that are applicable for surrogacy;
  2. Allowing prospective parents to find employees who offer inclusive benefits in a searchable database;
  3. Incentivizing more companies to offer inclusive family forming benefits.

For each of the featured companies, MHB is building a card that includes searchable fields on the type of benefits offered, the amounts that can be used per journey or over a lifetime, and even how they score based on the Corporate Equality Index that is published annually by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). Additional details include the geographical scope of the provided benefits (some multinational corporations offer different benefits in the USA and overseas), and the fertility management company the employer is using to manage these benefits. Men looking to grow their family can then search this database to find details on their company or look to possibly change jobs to a new company with more financial support.

Many company cards also include personal testimonies from members who have successfully received benefits from them to grow their families. As MHB is adding more companies to the database, news stories, email blasts and social media promotions are being used to feature best practices and highlight inspiring personal stories.

The third component in MHB’s Inclusive Employer Surrogacy Benefits initiative is the development of an Advocacy Toolkit to help men who work at companies who do not currently offer inclusive benefits. RESOLVE offers a great toolkit for guiding people towards getting fertility insurance coverage at work, but MHB’s members are facing obstacles that go beyond those of “medically” infertile people. The MHB toolkit will include resources and evidence-based rationales for offering benefits that go beyond basic infertility coverage in the following ways.

  • Eligibility is defined in an inclusive manner to “all those who are in need of reproductive assistance,” according to the 2023 definition of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.
  • Benefits extend also to non-medical expenses associated with the surrogacy journey.
  • Benefits are offered to all employees, including those who are located outside the USA.

Men Having Babies hopes the Database, Social Media Campaign and Advocacy Toolkit will contribute to a broader corporate and cultural change, and to a reality where more companies will be encouraged to increase or start to offer similar benefits.

MHB’s strong, motivated community is key to the success of this campaign. Through their support and information, MHB will be able to provide the first crowd-sourced, verified database of employer surrogacy benefits that is continuously updated and searchable. Through the transparency and advocacy of the campaign and employee toolkit, MHB hopes that more men will be able to realize their dreams of becoming parents.

Rainbow Rising

by
Randy Rainbow

Political satirist talks about life beyond his spoofs and what it’s like to offer levity during intense times
By Chris Azzopardi

There are far worse things happening in the world, clearly, but political-parody sensation Randy Rainbow does have a bone to pick with some folks. And this time, it’s not with Marjorie Taylor Greene. Not even with Donald Trump.

“I’m throwing my team the hell under the bus,” he joked on camera, after jumping on Zoom last minute when he was reminded of our interview, which was “on everyone’s calendar but mine.”

“I was getting ready to take a bubble bath,” he said, “but I’m happy to be with you.”

At the time of our interview in April, Rainbow was making his press rounds to chat about his debut memoir, “Playing with Myself.” The humanizing book recounts his life growing up as an imaginative and misunderstood boy, before he became known for his playful digs at right-wing figures, reworking famous Broadway songs to poke at the sheer insanity of those making really terrible political decisions. We meet Nanny, his adoring late grandmother; we go back to the video that launched his viral career, when he pretend-called Mel Gibson; we learn about his comedy-meets-Broadway origins and how it became a full-blown career, earning him three Emmy nominations and famous fans such as Patti LuPone and even, yes, Carol Burnett.

I was talking to a friend about interviewing you and he said, “Will he sing?” 

Why would I just sing? See, this is the fake news on me. Everyone thinks I’m a lunatic who bursts into song.

Why would you just sing? Perhaps because you’ve built a career on it, I don’t know. 

True. If we were out having a couple of drinks, I probably would be singing constantly and you would tell me to shut up. But not always.

In addition to LGBTQ+ fans, you’ve got a lot of mom fans. 

They hit on me. It’s inappropriate.

They haven’t learned consent, apparently.

Mothers don’t know consent. I take it as a compliment. I see it as a Barry Manilow/Liberace kind of thing.

So the book: You are extremely vulnerable in it, and I just want to tell you that I appreciate you sharing intimate parts of your life with us. I have a real appreciation for the fact that you went to some complex and complicated places. With your family, especially.

I’m glad I got on the Zoom today, because that’s really nice to hear and I appreciate that. I did go to some vulnerable places. I was certainly more raw than I’ve ever been before publicly. 

Was there a moment where you decided that, “If I’m going to write a book, I need to tell that part of the story to tell my full story”? And if so, when was that moment in the process for you?

From the beginning, I had every intention of being as vulnerable and as real as I could muster. People have been so generous with their praises — mothers across the country. And everyone who has written to me over the years, especially the last five years, and has come to my show and my meet-and-greets, they’re so generous with their praise and… gratitude is the word.

They thank me for getting them through. Getting them through Trump, getting them through the pandemic, getting them through their own personal struggles, and they offer their emotional selves up to me, and in a way that’s so real. And I realized that’s so nice, but it’s not really a two-way street at this moment, because these people only know the two-dimensional persona that they’ve come to know, which is certainly a part of me.

But they don’t really know that I am a complicated person who has my own insecurities, and flaws, and heartbreaks, and has faced my own adversities in life. So I wanted to really seize the moment and, as a gift to those followers who have been with me for years and to myself, to really come out and put it out there on the table.

What do mothers of LGBTQ+ kids tell you? 

I meet so many mothers. So many of them come to my live shows, and a lot of them bring their little kids who sometimes dress up like me and they look like Liza Minnelli, and they’ve got the bows and the pink glasses. And they say a variety of things, one of which is lovely: “Thank you for being a role model to my child as someone who is unabashedly being himself.” 

And then sometimes at the meet-and-greets they ask: “My son is behaving this way and I want to support him or her or them. What is your advice?” I’m not an expert on the subject, but I do know that I had a mother who, in my opinion, did the perfect thing, which was create a safe environment for me to be whatever it is I was wanting to be. She didn’t push [me] one way or the other, she didn’t make it her own thing. She just simply provided a safe space, and to me, that’s the best advice I can offer any mother with a little boy or girl like I was. I hope that some of those mothers will read this and get something valuable from it.

This is your first book. So what was it like? Did you get up in the middle of the night with a thought and write a whole chapter at 3 a.m.? And how did it compare to writing your musical parodies?

Yes to all that. I don’t have to tell you: As a writer, you walk around with these things just popping into your head. So yes, there was a lot of jumping up at 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning and taking lots of notes. I found the experience to be a lot of things. It was much more emotional than I thought it would be; I was crying a lot through the good and bad.

These are the memories that have been lighting the corners of my minds, to quote Barbra, for many years, but I never had an opportunity to really flush them out and put them down on paper. So it was very cathartic, very emotional, fun, I loved it, and different in that it was the first time I had done any sort of real autobiographical writing. So that was a pleasure. 

Again, one of the most satisfying things about this is that I can say if you love me… because some people love me, some people hate me, and my first thought when someone says anything positive or negative on social media or anywhere else is it’s interesting because you don’t know me yet. You actually don’t know me. So here’s a little bit of the real me, and then decide. Now you can really hate me. Or love me. Choose. But if you’re judging, again, that two-dimensional, scripted, campy persona, then you don’t know the full story yet.

And there’s an entire chapter for those who are still hating you because of tweets you sent in 2010 and 2011 that were deemed racist and homophobic, which you apologized for. 

There’s plenty of sunshine and Santa Claus in this book, meaning I talk a lot about the happy things and the joy and excitement and fun and positive, but that was something that was not so fun or positive that I went through. And I wanted to talk about it because it’s a topic that I’m interested in. I’m interested in that conversation, and I now have a personal perspective that I didn’t have before. So I wanted to add that to the public conversation. It’s not a 15-page mea culpa, it’s not a whole apology, because I’ve apologized for what I’ve wanted to apologize for.

It was humbling, I learned a lot, but as I say in the end, I can’t wrap it up neatly. It’s a very nuanced discussion, especially coming from someone who is a comedian and doesn’t like putting restrictions on art. 

Given what happened the night that Will Smith attacked Chris Rock on stage at the Oscars after Chris’s joke, does it make you concerned at all for the state of comedy? It was Kathy Griffin who recently expressed concerns about others following in Will’s footsteps when a joke is made that someone doesn’t like. 

That is a concern of mine, but I don’t know if it started that night. I think that we’re in a very weird place, and people are angry and taking their aggressions out in places that it really doesn’t belong. 

We’re in such a horrible place in the world and there’s war going on and pandemics, and it’s just a really heavy time. And I felt bad for a country who tuned in to get a little levity and escape for a couple of hours, and had to see this hero, this person that they idolize… I certainly am a Will Smith fan. They had to see him attack another idol and another hero of ours. That was just so sad to me. It was just sad that we couldn’t get that little escape that we just wanted so badly.

You said that you were concerned before this even happened about performing your own political comedy. 

People ask me all the time, “Are you concerned about that?” I am satirical and I spoof. My satire certainly leans in one direction. But it’s something I try not to really overthink because what can you do?

I wonder if it’s easier for people to digest your comedy since it’s filtered through an almost cartoonish lens.

I think I hope so. It’s my opinion that I’m tackling these topics in the most innocuous way possible with show tunes. So it interests me when people get really ticked off by any of my work. I have to question their intentions because it’s like, “Are you really that incensed about a song from ‘The Music Man’?” People are really interested in being angry these days.

Going back to the book, what was the most emotional topic for you to write about?

Certainly anything to do with my grandmother, my Nanny, was very emotional. 

She’s in the book a lot. It’s not only a beautiful tribute to her, but to unconditional love and what that can mean to somebody.

You have to write the foreword for the paperback edition. You’re saying such nice things and things that I hoped came through, and that’s so nice. And she does pop up in the book, these cosmic entrances that she makes. Things that I hadn’t even thought about until I was writing about emotional things. 

When I talk about my cat dying at the beginning of the pandemic, Nanny made her presence known, I believe, in moments like those too. That cat chapter — I feel there should be a disclaimer to the pet people in my audience.

I have been hearing from a lot of the readers who are cat or pet people who say that it’s brutal and hard to get through, which I like. That means to me that I did it right. Because it was a brutal experience because we locked down, and then my cat, the only other soul that I was sharing this experience with, got sick two days later. So that was hard. But the happy ending is I got a new cat and she’s sitting right here judging me like a bitch.

Chris Azzopardi is the Editorial Director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate, the national LGBTQ+ wire service. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

Neil Patrick Harris’s Penis Problem

by
Neil Patrick Harris

The actor on ‘Uncoupled’ and his ‘digital dong’ in ‘Gone Girl’
By Chris Azzopardi

It wasn’t that it was hard, but when Neil Patrick Harris shot a scene for the new Netflix series “Uncoupled,” in which his character tries to snap just the right Grindr shots, it was a little… hairy.

It was “taking angles” and “making sure that you didn’t show your stuff in certain positions” that Harris says was “interesting.”

“We had to find what my ‘d actually looks like,’” said the actor, throwing up air quotes while on Zoom to promote the series.

In “Uncoupled,” Harris’s Michael, a married Manhattanite, has the rug pulled out from under him when his husband of 17 years, portrayed by Tuc Watkins (“Desperate Housewives,” “Boys in the Band”), suddenly decides to end things. Michael quickly learns that, for a single gay man in his mid-40s living in New York City, he’s a little behind the ball when it comes to contemporary queer culture. Openly gay TV rom-com mogul Darren Star, who created “Sex and the City” and “Younger,” helmed “Uncoupled” with Jeffrey Richman, so naturally there’s a fair amount of gay sex.

But, as Michael learns, in order to get some taps, you’ve gotta show the goods on social media. Harris’s bare bottom is prominently featured during the episode, though it was the front of his body that resulted in heated discussions and debates.

“My modesty’s fine; I wasn’t that nervous about that,” he admitted. “You have this weird contraption around your actual genitals so no one can see it, but I didn’t want Netflix execs or the editors to see this, like, weird pouch thing, and the camera couldn’t see that either.”
In other words, situating a penis just right is a complicated affair on set. So complicated that, when he went to his trailer the day of the shoot and found “two flaccid rubber phalluses on my desk,” it was time to get the producers involved.

“They were like small and weird, and I think something people used to pack themselves, like drag kings, but it didn’t look very flattering and I sort of said, ‘I don’t want this! I don’t want you to take a picture of this!’”

Specifically — because who wouldn’t want every single last detail? — Harris described the phalluses as “latex, pale, single-colored thing[s].”

And if you ever wondered what it’s like to work on a set of a show in which the penis of your character is up for debate, wonder no more: “We had a nice text thread with the producers,” he recalled. “‘What about this photo if we crop it? And what about this? It was the filthiest thing of all. ‘Too big, too thick, too long.’ I was like, ‘Come on!’ But we kind of met in the middle.”

As for the new-and-improved, NPH-approved penis pics? Still on his phone, he says. Though not for long because his two kids with Michigan-born husband David Burtka, Harper and Gideon, could possibly see them when they go through his phone.
“I really do need to erase those pictures off my phone,” he said.

In other Neil Patrick Harris penis news: He had you fooled in “Gone Girl,” and contrary to popular belief, what you saw down there wasn’t the real thing.

“We’re at the New York Film Fest, and we’re about to do the red carpet, and [director] David Fincher, when we’re all saying hello, turns to me and goes ‘Oh, by the way: We added a digital dick to your thing so just so you know, it’s not yours. It’s digital.’ I was like, ‘Is it nice?’”

Harris knows that, perhaps, you were misled: “I think people think they might have actually seen my dong on ‘Gone Girl,’ but that was a digital dong.’”
On behalf of NPH, sorry for the confusion.

Summer Health Tips for Gay & Bisexual Men (and all MSM)

by
Summer Health Tips for Gay and Bisexual Men

Summer Health Tips for Gay Men: CDC
Monkeypox, | Meningococcal Disease | HIV & STIs | COVID 19

Summer is a time for fun, relaxation, and spending time with friends and family. This summer, however, in addition to ongoing COVID-19 transmission across the country among all populations; early data suggest that gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men make up a high number of new monkeypox and meningococcal disease cases. As you prepare to celebrate Pride and attend other celebrations, here are a few tips to keep you healthy:

Monkeypox

You may have heard of a rare disease called monkeypox. Many people affected in the current global outbreaks identify as gay or bisexual. Monkeypox can spread to anyone through close, personal, often skin-to-skin contact. If you have a new or unexplained rash or sores, see a healthcare provider and avoid sex or close, intimate contact until you have been checked out.

Learn more at www.cdc.gov/poxvirus/monkeypox.

Meningococcal Disease

There is an outbreak of meningococcal disease, primarily among gay and bi men in Florida. This can show up as fever, headache, stiff neck, nausea/vomiting, or dark purple rash, among other symptoms. Right now, the outbreak is in Florida. If you live or travel there, be aware of the symptoms and see a healthcare provider right away if you feel sick. If you live in Florida, get vaccinated. If you’re traveling to Florida, talk to your healthcare provider about getting vaccinated as well.

For more information, visit www.cdc.gov/meningococcal.

HIV & STIs

HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs, sometimes called STDs), are always something sexually active gay and bi men need to be aware of. Remember, most STIs have no signs or symptoms. The only way to know your HIV or STI status is to get tested.

Learn more at  www.cdc.gov/hiv and www.cdc.gov/std.

To find a testing site for HIV, STIs and viral hepatitis, visit gettested.cdc.gov.

COVID-19

COVID-19 cases are still high in some places, and you are more likely to get COVID than anything else right now. Get vaccinated and stay up to date on your vaccines. Wear a well-fitting mask any time you’d like to, but especially if you are in an area with high community levels of COVID-19, you are in a crowded indoor area, or you want to protect someone who is at high risk for getting very sick.

Learn more: How to Protect Yourself & Others

Resources

Printable Cards: For in-person summer events, health departments, community based organizations, event organizers, and others can print and distribute this card to help gay and bisexual men get information on how to stay healthy and safe this summer.

Bowen Yang’s First Gay Film

by
Bowen Yang

Bowen on Fire (Island)
He’s here, he’s queer, and now the‘SNL’ juggernaut is the lead in his very first (very gay) film
By Chris Azzopardi

Maybe Bowen Yang will just forever live the Fire Island fantasy wherever he is. Is that what happens when you make a movie in what many consider gay paradise? Who knows, but based on Yang’s attire on Zoom — a beaded, rainbow-colored flower necklace and a casual white-and-blue checkered shirt, his white undershirt exposed — the Australian-born Chinese American actor looks ready to challenge the rich, white gays known for essentially claiming the queer party town, just off the southern shore of Long Island, New York, as their own.

But not in Hulu’s “Fire Island,” a movie that can make us believe it isn’t exclusive to any group as a boatload of intersectional queers — the main friend group is refreshingly Asian American and Black — sail away to the island for more than just wild nights and romantic seashore walks. They know what they’re getting into — drugs, drinking, and all those white gays — and they’re the kind of besties who know exactly what’s on everyone’s Fire Island agenda.

For some, obviously, that’s a little more than a snuggle. For Howie, though, that _is_ a snuggle. Yang plays Howie, and his very good friend Noah (Joel Kim Booster, who wrote the script as a modern retelling of “Pride and Prejudice”) knows that Howie won’t ever be the slut he wants him to be. That, of course, doesn’t stop him from trying to whore out Howie. After all, that’s just what good friends do! “You’re cute, you’re funny, you’re consistently the least repellent of men out of all of us,” he tells Howie, earnestly.

The same could be said of Yang, who’s gained an avid following since he started writing for “Saturday Night Live” in 2018. Just a year later, when he was promoted to featured cast member, he made history as the first-ever Chinese American cast member (and third openly gay male cast member after Terry Sweeney and John Milhiser).

In a recent conversation, Yang chatted about being a leading man for the first time, not being recognized in a West Hollywood gay bar recently, and infusing his own signature queer flavor into “Saturday Night Live.”

Every time I watch a queer movie, I just wish it existed sooner.

Is that like our lot in audience life? I think we’re just gonna think that for everything. For me, and I don’t mean to undermine this thought, but even if it’s a perfectly fine-to-bad queer movie — not saying that our movie is those things — but add it to the pile!

So the whole time I was watching “Fire Island,” I wanted to know how you got cast as Howie, the non-slutty character? Specifically the non-slutty part.

I think Joel was doing this great thing, which is to map it onto our friendship a bit while also mapping it onto the source material of “Pride and Prejudice” and having it be like Jane and Liz. But then also just outlining the ways that a lot of queer people, and maybe specifically gay men, might not share an organizing principle in that way. Like, there are some people who really go for it and just catch as many Pokémon as they can, so to speak, and there are some who choose not to.

I mean, in my 20s I was definitely a Howie.

Oh, and then that shifted?

It did shift. And it feels good.

Great. I think maybe that’s in store for me.

In 105 minutes, this film takes on body positivity, prejudiced gays, horny gays, non-horny gays, infighting… . Was there a lot of conversation about what this movie would cover?

I mean, if you create a liberated space for people, then their thoughts might kind of reach just a bit beyond the pale in a setting outside of that. And so I think Joel’s whole thesis for the movie is “what happens when gay people go to an all-gay space, and then gay people start to bring all their societal baggage onto each other and turn it inward.”

I think he did a great job of balancing all those things. I think he just recognized that Fire Island is this wonderful stew pot full of different kinds of people, and that you get all these different elements to that when everyone co-mingles in that way.

I love that there’s a group of queer people of color who are just like, “Gonna sail over, and you know? This is also our place.”

Yeah. And in my experience going there — and I go at least once a year, every summer — it is weirdly still a given that you’re gonna see that it’s a bit dominated by one kind of person.

I’m always really delighted by the people I see there who are there driven by the same sort of mission of just spending time with their queer friends. Going to the beach, just getting away from all the things that sort of bog them down on the mainland.

Did you see “Wine Country”?

I did, yes.

So was this your “Wine Country”?

Oh my god, I guess so. All “Fire Island” was missing was a Brené Brown cameo. I think the nice thing about this is that it’s like a vacation comedy, obviously, and a rom-com, but I think the way that Joel wanted to map it onto “Pride and Prejudice” is such an ingenious thing. It’s about the way people relate to each other. It’s about the ways that we stratify each other, or relate to each other based on class, wealth or, in this case, race.

With “Wine Country,” Amy Poehler had said the film was basically a trip those same girls had taken many times before. Had any of you already experienced “Fire Island” together?

Yes, yes. We have. Me, Joel and Matt Rogers had gone in the past. And the idea came out of Joel and I going the first time together. This was 2015, where he brought a copy of “Pride and Prejudice” to the island. And then he and I were reading by the pool one day, and he just turns to me and goes, “This would make a good movie. The way that people judge each other is similar. The way that there are all these social gatherings that people sort of get worked up about, it’s all there.”

In some ways, the idea predates the established dynamic that Joel, Matt and I have had there. But I feel like it’s [in] a similar vein in that it’s loosely based on these trips that we’ve taken together. It’s similar to our experiences going there in terms of like, we would go there when we could barely afford it. We [were] 18 people to a three-bedroom house, those kind of “roughing it” early experiences.

Did you, Joel and Matt also meet at a brunch like your characters in the movie did?

We did not meet at a brunch. It was at a much more boring place, honestly. And it’s hard to get more boring than brunch.

I’ve never been to Fire Island, but I think I may be more of a P-town gay.

Listen, I am about to go there for the first time this summer. And part of me is a little scared that I’m gonna be a turncoat and just fully, like, be a P-town gay for the rest of my life.

What can you say about your part in the upcoming major-studio gay summer rom-com “Bros”?

I have a really fun part in that. My character, ironically, lives in Provincetown, so not Fire Island. That might be all I can say. But I think they’ve been showing clips of it at different events, and it’s getting a really good reception. I really hope people — I’m sure people will see it. There’s such a great team behind it, and Billy [Eichner, co-writer and star] is just so wonderful. He was so great to work with. I was sort of a day player. I just popped in for a day in between shows at “SNL.” So I was a little disoriented. But it was just such a lovely experience, and I felt very lucky that I got to do that in addition to “Fire Island,” to be a little witness to all these great [LGBTQ+] movies that are being made.

Was “Fire Island” a loose shoot? You are all so naturally funny, so were there moments of improvisation, and did any of those make the final cut? 

Plenty of moments of improv made it into the final cut. From, like, Matt specifically. From me, from everybody. I think everybody [added] a little sprinkling in there. Overall, what’s remarkable about that set was that there wasn’t too much breaking. We weren’t out to make each other laugh or crack up. I think we were all there to hit our marks and do the job well. Because it was a very intense situation. A lot of us, you know, [this was] one of our early jobs doing a feature. And I think we all just were kind of focused on delivering. So maybe in the future, if we all work together again, it’ll be a little bit looser. But it was pretty regimented. We were all very good students, I would say.

Your film career is really taking off, which is exciting. And you got to really create a character for this.

I know. This is one of my first experiences doing that.

What was that like for you?

Really nice. I learned so much. And I think this is one of those jobs that I think will carry into future projects, if I’m so lucky to have them. I mean, James Scully, who plays Charlie, and I… this is my first time having a love interest in something. And he’s someone who is experienced enough as an actor to know how to make that believable onscreen. So we just had a lot of discussions about how to portray that and what these characters would be like after they left the island and what that journey is.

James had the idea to make a playlist. He was like, “Let’s make the playlist the character would make for the other character.” And that was perfect tone-setting. Like, these are two very sweet people who are sweet despite everything around them telling them there’s no place for sweetness. That this is about debauchery only. And even at the end of the movie, there’s an open-ended question about whether or not these people will even end up together after they leave the island. And what happens then? But these are two characters who aren’t concerned with that, who aren’t really worried about what’s gonna happen afterwards. Whether it ends badly or well, they just are very present in their connection to each other.

I’m glad you say that because those trips to me often feel like they’re suited for that sort of experience — for a little weekend romance.

I think the movie does that very well in the end where, again, it’s that open-ended thing. And I don’t think a lot of rom-coms in general do that. It’s a very realistic, authentic sort of representation of that concept. Like, “Maybe this is just a vacation boyfriend. But it’s OK. I’ll still enjoy it.” It’s still a love story, you know? There’s something really powerful about acknowledging that reality for a lot of people. I think there’s a subtextual thing there in the movie where it’s like, “This is how gay people live, and this is why they come to the island, to experience that, to have the possibility of experiencing that.” And then if they do, then what happens?

Whose idea was it to sneak in the reference to the “Gays in Space” sketch, which aired on “Saturday Night Live” in 2015?

That was Joel. I promise it wasn’t me. I just never pushed back. It was in every draft of the script, and I never pushed back on it. And I was like, it’s so on the nose of me as Bowen saying to a character that he loves “SNL.”

But that was a Joel line. And we just kept it in there. But then it got me thinking, like, OK, if Howie and I are similar, in what ways are we similar? Howie doesn’t work at “SNL,” but if I didn’t work at “SNL,” I would probably bring that up, too, at a party, if I was getting to know someone. And there was something somewhat authentic about that. I think Joel was going for that sort of authenticity. It was just, What would Bowen say through the lens of this character?

While we’re on the topic of “SNL,” I have you to thank, in part, at least, for making a show I grew up with and loved a much queerer experience for me.

Oh, that’s very nice. But yes, there are so many other people to thank. It’s people like James Anderson who wrote “Gays in Space,” who left somewhat recently. Kate McKinnon, obviously, Chris Kelly, who made “The Other Two.” Paula Pell of “Wine Country.” There’s been this pretty rich lineage of queer people at “SNL.” I think now there are more things to index and reference, and I’m just very happy to be a small part of it.

Historically, yes, there are other skits that were queer. But it definitely feels like it’s become much queerer in more recent years.

I think we talk about how “SNL” has always been this variety show in the truest sense. There’s something for everyone, or at least there’s something different in every sketch. And certainly, with Kate being there, it’s given people a model for how you infuse queerness into a sketch.

Julio Torres working there around the same time I did was just such a fortuitous thing for me because I was able to understand, “Oh, I can write something.” When I first started writing there, I was trying to fit into the mold of an “SNL” sketch. I was trying to write a game show sketch or a commercial parody. And then, when Julio and I started working together, he was like, “No, you can do whatever you want. You can make something that’s from your point of view. That makes the show better.”

Do you have an example of something you wrote from your own POV because of Julio’s influence on you?

One of the first sketches I wrote for the show was called “Cheques.” It was a commercial for checks, like these dramatic, soap operatic women just signing checks for misdeeds. That was something Julio and I co-wrote together. We co-wrote this sketch called “Sara Lee” with Harry Styles, who’s this social media manager who writes all these thirsty gay captions for Instagram. That was Julio’s idea, and it wouldn’t have happened without Julio’s assuredness in his own point of view. And it kind of gave me this example to follow, so that by the time he left, I was like, “I guess I can do that on my own, right?”

So yeah, you think all the way back to Terry Sweeney in the ’80s who was doing stuff at a time when gay men were completely stigmatized at every level [in] society. I think there’s been a queer sort of helix in the show for as long as it’s been on.

What about the “Pride Month Song” sketch from last year? What’s the story behind that?

I co-wrote that with Sudi Green and Celeste Yim. Just really funny writers. Queer writers. And we just were talking about how there is this pretty widely acknowledged reality now that I just don’t think we’ve seen on TV of how Pride is kind of exhausting. And it’s kind of not what you expect it to be: You think it’s gonna be this amazing thing and it actually ends up being really stressful and logistically a nightmare and someone has a meltdown at some point. You know, those are the realities of Pride. And there’s still something joyful about that, even so. And maybe that’s the thing that we kind of look forward to every year. So yeah, that’s where it came out of. And I was, like, listening to Charli XCX’s “Girls Night Out,” and I was like, “Let’s just map it onto this beat.”

Well, that’s your POV, right?  

My POV! Yeah. She counts.

It seems you’ve become a big name in such a short amount of time. How have you processed what I think is a relatively meteoric rise to notoriety these last few years? 

I got really lucky in terms of an incremental, segmented ramp-up, maybe? For me, so far, it’s been manageable at every level. Starting out doing stuff in New York, you kind of are putting yourself out there more and more with every show and every year that you do it. And then Matt and I started this podcast [“Las Culturistas”] together. That kind of got people who didn’t live in New York knowing who we were and connecting with what we were doing. And then going on “SNL,” obviously, kind of broke that open. But I think I’ve gotten some sort of training wheel taken off and there’s multiple sets of training wheels, I guess, in this metaphor. But I think I’ve gotten really nicely acculturated to that. And I’m very grateful.

Can you step into a gay bar in West Hollywood without being conscious of, “I know that there will be eyes on me because I’m Bowen Yang”?

It occurs to me that that might be the case, but I went to Hi Tops recently in LA, in West Hollywood, and was ignored at the bar. And I was like, “This is great.” Not that this was great but I was like, “See, there’s something very democratizing about going to a queer space like that where you’re like, ‘That’s why I go: to feel like a part of something.’” There hasn’t been anything fundamentally different about my reality, which I think is really nice, actually.

What do you want the future of your film career to look like?

I hope I get to just do a nice variety of things, across different genres probably. I feel like we’re about to get hit with a bunch of rom-coms, and I wouldn’t mind just staying in that lane for as long as possible.

I’m keeping an open mind because people have been asking me if I expected to be leading a rom-com ever. I was like, “No, no way.” And so I think me sort of keeping my expectations pretty sparse is kind of setting myself up for some delightful stuff in the future. I don’t really have a vision for what that is yet. And I think that’s OK.

Chris Azzopardi is the Editorial Director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate, the national LGBTQ+ wire service. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

Equality Caucus Welcomes Jordan Dashow as New Executive Director

by
Jordan Dashow

Congressional LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus Chair David N. Cicilline (RI-01) and the Congressional LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus have announced Jordan Dashow as its new Executive Director. Dashow brings to this role a wealth of knowledge on the legislative process and a proven track record of advancing LGBTQ+ rights. As Executive Director, Dashow will help steer the Caucus’s work promoting LGBTQ+ equality, supporting members of Congress, and coordinating outreach to outside organizations.

Dashow most recently served as a professional staff member for the House Committee on the Judiciary where he worked on a range of topics including LGBTQ+ rights and equality, disability rights, voting rights, reproductive rights, racial justice, unlawful evictions, campaign finance, and church-state issues. Dashow worked closely with Judiciary Committee Chair Jerrold Nadler (NY-10) on the successful committee consideration of the Equality Act in both the 116th and 117th Congresses. Before his tenure with the House Judiciary Committee, Dashow worked for multiple years in advocacy at the Human Rights Campaign as a Policy Assistant, Policy Coordinator, and Federal Policy Manager.

“I am excited to welcome Jordan Dashow as the next Executive Director of the Equality Caucus. I have had the pleasure of working with Jordan in his previous role with the House Judiciary Committee where he was instrumental in the successful House passage of the Equality Act in both the 116th and 117th Congresses. Jordan’s experience both on the Hill and in advocacy make him the perfect fit to guide the Equality Caucus as we confront the onslaught of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation from conservative state legislatures across the country. I am looking forward to working with him in this new role to advance LGBTQ+ equality here in the United States and abroad,” said Congressman David N. Cicilline, Chair of the Congressional LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus.

“I also want to acknowledge our outgoing Executive Director, Shawn Gaylord, for his dedicated service to the LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus over the last 3 years. We thank Shawn for bringing his expertise on LGBTQ+ issues and advocacy to the Hill while navigating the Caucus through the peak of the COVID pandemic. With Shawn’s leadership, we welcomed the largest-ever class of membership and advanced some of the most pro-LGBTQ+ legislation in history, including the Pulse Nightclub Memorial Bill, which was signed into law by President Biden last year. We wish him all the best in his new role off the Hill.”

Founded in 2008, the mission of the Congressional LGBTQ+ Equality Caucus is to promote equality for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. The Caucus, which is led by the nine openly LGBTQ+ members of the House of Representatives, is strongly committed to achieving the full enjoyment of human rights for LGBTQ+ people in the U.S. and around the world.

Executive Director Fred Swanson to Leave Gay City

by
Fred Swanson Gay City

Gay City’s Board of Directors announced Executive Director Fred Swanson is stepping down from his position after more than two decades. Fred will remain involved with the organization until June 1, 2022, and Bekah Telew, Gay City’s Director of Development, will serve as Interim Co-Executive Director during the transition.

“I am so grateful for the friendship and partnerships that developed over two decades,” said Swanson. “We have such talented and creative staff and volunteers and a leadership team that understands what is necessary to continue to move Gay City forward. It’s hard to imagine not being there, and also liberating to know that the special place we have built together will continue to grow and thrive in new ways under new leadership.”

Under Fred’s leadership, Gay City’s programming and impact expanded significantly. This growth included assuming the programs of the Seattle Gay Clinic in 2004, continuing critical parts of Verbena’s work in 2008, and assuming the programs of the Seattle LGBT Community Center in 2009. Gay City created new office spaces to accommodate for the additional service offerings, launched Gay City Arts, created a Youth Advisory Council, implemented core equity trainings for staff, and offered a home to queer organizations Ingersoll Gender Center, Equal Rights Washington, and Three Dollar Bill Cinema.

“Gay City has benefitted tremendously from Fred’s leadership over his two decades as Executive Director,” said Ronn Arii, Gay City’s Board Co-Chair. “He has steered this organization through challenges, great successes, unprecedented growth, and has cemented Gay City’s position as a vital and integral part of the LGBTQ community in Seattle and beyond. He leaves us in a solid position to move forward with the evolution of Gay City: Seattle’s LGBTQ Center.” 

With the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic and the news that the building Gay City has called home since 2006 had been sold, Fred worked with the Board of Directors to find a new home for Gay City. A space and location that are responsive to the changing needs of LGBTQ people in Seattle and focuses on community members furthest from health equity.

Gay City’s Board of Directors and staff leadership will be working through a 90-day transition plan and have formed a Leadership Model Task Force. The Task Force will collaboratively explore the next iteration of Gay City’s leadership. Internal and external stakeholders will be consulted and the Task Force will solicit information from other nonprofit organizations that have implemented new and non-traditional leadership models. 

“Building a new leadership model aligns perfectly with our organization’s goals to always innovate, remain resilient, and respond to our community’s needs,” said Arii. “Our history of innovation coupled with our stable financial position and move to a new space present the right timing for a thoughtful exploration of a new and progressive leadership model.” 

The 90-day transition plan and the work of the Task Force will culminate with an announcement of the organization’s new leadership model, and Gay City will begin implementing next steps to bring this new model to fruition. 

“Gay City will always be part of my life, now and in the future,” said Swanson. “My primary focus over the past twenty years has been to build stability and sustainability,” said Swanson. “And we have done that. It is time to give this wonderful opportunity I have had to someone else. The new leadership will step into an organization that is financially strong and continues to build new ways to show up for and serve Seattle’s LGBTQ communities.” 

###

About Gay City: Seattle’s LGBTQ Center
With more than 25 years of supporting and advocating for LGBTQ communities, Gay City provides a place for you to be authentically yourself. Our mission is to cultivate access and connections to promote self-determination, liberation, and joy in our communities. We center health equity and are the leading HIV/STI testing provider in King County. For more information, visit gaycity.organd @GayCity on Instagram and Facebook and @GayCitySeattle on Twitter.

AIDS activist Peter Staley on his memoir ‘Never Silent’ and friend Dr. Fauci

by
Peter staley

Actions Speak Louder Than Words
AIDS activist Peter Staley on his memoir ‘Never Silent’ and friend Dr. Fauci
By Lawrence Ferber

A key member of AIDS activist group ACT UP and a named plaintiff in the ongoing lawsuit against Gilead and other pharma companies for illegally extending the patent of PrEP and HIV medication tenofovir, Peter Staley will tell you that his life is an open book. Yet it took years of nudging from friends, including Anderson Cooper, to actually write that book himself.

Released in October, Staley’s “Never Silent: ACT UP And My Life In Activism” (Chicago Review Press) is a jaw-droppingly frank 269-page read boasting a foreword by Anderson and back cover blurbs by Hillary Clinton and “Angels in America” playwright Tony Kushner.
While Staley’s experiences with activism and HIV — he was diagnosed with what they called “AIDS-related complex” in 1985 — comprised part of David France’s acclaimed 2012 documentary and 2016 book “How To Survive A Plague,” “Never Silent” details firsthand his personal highs and lows, including sexual and romantic, and his transformation from a closeted Wall Street bond trader to out-and-proud full-time activist. It includes some of ACT UP’s most outrageous, effective actions, like infiltrating big pharma and government offices and covering hateful GOP Senator Jesse Helms’ house in a giant condom.
The book also delves into the infighting that led to ACT UP splintering, Staley’s later crystal meth addiction and his subsequent (and outrageous) street poster campaign to combat its use, how he stopped the Oscar-winning movie “Dallas Buyers Club” from being subverted by an AIDS denialist screenwriter (Vanity Fair recently published a gripping excerpt:), and exploits with policy power players like Dr. Anthony Fauci.
Recently, Staley, who also co-founded and serves as secretary of PrEP4All, discussed the book’s numerous revelations, things he left out, Matthew McConaughey, and X-rated bucket list accomplishments.

How did you become friends with Anderson Cooper, and how did he encourage you to write a memoir?

Well, he was blown away by [the 2012 documentary] “How To Survive A Plague” and reached out by email and said, “If you ever want to get together, I’d really love that.” I jumped on that right away of course, and we had dinner and he gave me a tour of his house, I met the boyfriend, and that’s how it started. And within a week of that dinner he sent me a text: “You should write a memoir.” That’s when I disclosed to him how much I hated writing, and he said, “It’s not that bad; you write a little bit at night before bed and by the end of the year you’ve got half a book written.” My response was: “I’m not going to end my day doing something I hate. You don’t realize how much I hate it!” And I didn’t start writing until 2017 or 2018.

What was one mistake you wanted to avoid while writing this?

The biggest was being a blowhard. Overstating my importance. I think I’ve been pretty good at self-reflection most of my life, and I’m proud of what I’ve done, but I’m incredibly conscious of the fact that none of my first five years as an activist would have been noticed by anybody or made any difference if it wasn’t for the fact [that] I was just one member of a huge movement. 99.9 percent of my power derived from the collective for a good five years.

I was surprised by your level of frankness, especially regarding your sex life. The reveal that you contracted herpes even before your HIV diagnosis seems important, given how stigmatized that virus remains even today

Before AIDS, herpes was on the cover of Time magazine and people would commit suicide when they got a herpes diagnosis. It was AIDS before AIDS. It was a really horrifying diagnosis so, yeah, it was rough. But to be honest, I didn’t consciously think of that, to fight herpes stigma. You couldn’t tell my HIV seroconversion story without mentioning that’s how I found a doctor who helped save my life, [the late] Dr. Dan William.

Is there any progress on a herpes vaccine? It feels like doctors and pharma have just thrown their hands up.

It’s true. But if I [take acyclovir] every day I never have an outbreak. Acyclovir came out after my HIV diagnosis, and I asked if I should stay on it every day and my doctor said yes, so I’ve been on it every day since and have not had an outbreak.

You discuss your relationship with the late journalist and filmmaker Robert Hilferty, whose movie “Stop The Church” famously documented ACT UP’s “die-in” at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in 1989. However, you don’t mention his tragic suicide in 2009. Why is that?

I also don’t mention that Jef Mittleman, the beautiful Oberlin boy, died of an overdose, possibly a suicide — we don’t know — in a hotel room in NYC in 1994. The book is episodic, and each chapter tells of one specific action or period of time in my life, and if you were central to that narrative as I’m telling it, you’re in the book. It’s 99 percent me and 1 percent the people next to me. I don’t tell the rest of their stories, because that would chop up the narrative.

But I loved Robert. That grin and laugh, there was something a little wicked about the guy, like he always had some goods on you. He was really perceptive and could read a person so quickly, and my god he was sexy, and I don’t think he’ll mind a posthumous rating: he was incredible in bed!

Is there any story you left out and would, if you ever do a follow-up, include first?

Yeah, about a failed action, hopefully with a successful second attempt. I posted on Facebook in late August this cryptic message about how I was mourning the five-year passing of an action that failed, but might be reattempted. It involved dozens of people, a substantial budget, and was all very hush-hush. We managed to extract ourselves from the situation without getting arrested, and that allows us to attempt it again in the future. The issue [it addresses] has not gone away. But if I do a memoir in my ’80s, it’ll be in that one!

I understand you were firm on not wanting ACT UP to be in the main title. What other possibilities did you consider before settling on “Never Silent”?

I was scrambling for title ideas during the three years it took to write. A lot of memoirs use something personal that’s not obvious but you discover its meaning when reading the book. David France of all people suggested one that was like a lightbulb going off in my head: “Please Remain Calm.” You can hear me say it in “How to Survive a Plague,” and it became a funny line I would use whenever we invaded the offices of a pharmaceutical company. And it has a double meaning. I was known for not being one of ACT UP’s hotheads. I was not a screamer. My activism was always very politically driven and I rely on logic and model myself on Spock. But the publisher said no. The publisher wanted something obvious, and I’m always bad at reading the fine print in contracts, and in the publishing industry, unless you’re a Barack Obama, you have no say in the cover or title of your book!

I’m surprised that the publisher didn’t title it “Dr. Fauci’s BFF” or “Matthew McConaughey and Me”!

I met Jared Leto, but I never actually met McConaughey. “Dallas” and “Plague” came out at the same time, and we were at a couple of events together for the awards circuit and there was one moment I saw him leaving early, by the door alone waiting for his Uber, and I thought I’d go up to him and say, “Hey, Matthew, I’m the guy who caused so much trouble before you started shooting!” But I left him to his phone.

Speaking of Fauci, the final chapter is titled “Dinner With Tony,” which addresses his evolution from “tentative leader unwilling to rock the boat” during the 1980s to a good friend. Can you elaborate further on how he’s changed?

He slowly shed the widely held stubbornness of his peers in the scientific community that going slow and being methodical was sacrosanct. Without abandoning the basic tenets of high-quality scientific research, there are all sorts of inventive ways to speed things up and expand access at the same time. He applied many of those lessons to COVID-19.

Has he read the book yet?

He just got my book twice — an inscribed hardcopy for his bookshelf, and a Kindle version that’s easier on his old eyes.

What’s the biggest perk or upside of having your story told through movies and books over the past decade? Are there activist groupies?

I love the activist groupies! I wish they were a larger percentage of the community, but that’s what tipped the scales for me diving into writing. Not writing this book would be a lost opportunity, and that opportunity is inspiration because I’ve been contacted every week since 2012 by some millennial queer through social media [who] just saw “Plague” and it changed their life. A subset of them I stay in contact with and they’ve become activists, gone into medicine, or nonprofit work. That has blown my mind. They’re the ones who give me hope and I adore all of them.

Are shirtless pics welcome too?

Yes. Dick pics. And I will send one back! Another story I didn’t tell in the book was [filmmaker and artist] Gregg Bordowitz was working at GMHC [a NYC-based AIDS service organization formerly called Gay Men’s Health Crisis] and tasked with creating a series of X-rated safe sex videos that were funny and sexy and had lots of condoms and dental dams. This was 1989. He mentioned this to me and I said, “I’ll do it. I’m gonna die in a few years, I want to do porn. It was on my bucket list, what the fuck do I care? I gave up the dream of being president someday!” So I did a safe-sex short and that summer they premiered the video as part of the international AIDS conference in Montreal on a gigantic screen, and every AIDS activist in the country was there. I’m in the audience slumping down, my hands over my eyes. [Laughs.] If you dig far enough, you can find it! It was actually part of Gregg’s exhibition at MoMA PS1 this year! My erect penis was in a museum! Bucket list!

Philemon Chambers, breakout star of Netflix’s ‘Single All the Way’

by
Philemon Chambers

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year for Philemon Chambers

Breakout star of Netflix’s ‘Single All the Way’ on being merry about his gay new rom-com role

By Chris Azzopardi

Philemon Chambers can’t believe he’s in a queer Christmas movie. It’s the kind Chambers, recently named “Next Big Thing” by the Hollywood Reporter, could only dream of watching when he was a little queer boy growing up in Compton, California. Then, Black queer characters in mainstream film and TV didn’t exist, and when they finally did, those characters were in the closet or shamed for being out of the closet.

Much has changed since for Chambers, and for the better. Now, the 27-year-old actor, who could previously be seen in small TV roles on “Criminal Minds” and “All Rise,” is the change he always hoped to see in “Single All the Way,” Netflix’s addition to the LGBTQ+ holiday rom-com boom of the last couple of years. Here, queerness is incidental to the sweet, marshmallow center of this love story.

In the film, Chambers plays the adorably likable Nick, who accompanies his roommate and longtime friend, Peter (Michael Urie of “Ugly Betty”), on a trip home for the holidays to see Peter’s family in New Hampshire. It’s an especially kind gesture given Peter has recently learned that his boyfriend is married to a woman. Though Peter’s mom (Kathy Najimy) desperately wants to connect her newly single son with James (Luke Macfarlane), the rest of the family does everything in their power to help Peter and Nick see they’re more than just friends.

Recently, Chambers chatted about the humbling responses he’s received about “Single All the Way” from LGBTQ+ people around the world, how he and Urie developed their chemistry over Zoom, and the message he hopes the movie delivers to young Black queer kids.

This seems like a really big moment for you. Does it feel that way?

It still is a euphoric type of moment. I’m not overwhelmed because it’s a good feeling to finally have this film out ’cause we’ve been talking about it for such a long time. To have it out and to see the response that people are having toward it and the love that it’s garnering — wow, I’m gobsmacked.

What’s it like to be a part of the queer Christmas streaming movie boom that started last year?

It’s nice that these types of stories are being told and that they’re being told authentically by queer [and] gay actors. It’s monumental in that respect because usually they hire a heterosexual actor to portray a gay character. So it’s not an accurate depiction of them, of us. It’s not.

I feel like the films that were released, we needed them at that time. But we really need “Single All the Way.” “Single All the Way” is the first film of its kind to not hold onto the homophobia and not hold onto any negativity. It is pure joy, pure love, pure happiness. And I’m glad that we’re moving in this direction. I can’t wait to see what happens and what comes from it.

Are you and Michael sharing in the splendor of what being a part of this movie feels like right now?

Me and Michael actually had like a 15-, 20-minute conference last night just about how much love we are getting. Everybody is loving Peter and Nick. Everyone is loving the story. And I could not imagine doing this and going through this with anybody else other than Michael Urie. He is such a gem. But yes, we talk literally every day. He’ll respond to me when he wants to respond to me, ’cause I know I’m a little bit annoying.

I watched this with my mom, and it was a powerful thing to be able to watch something with her that’s authentic to my experience as a gay man.

Even my mom, she was like, “Oh, I’m gonna watch this film so many times.” And I was just like, “OK, you’re gonna watch it ’cause I’m in it. We get it.” And she’s just like, “No. It’s just a really good story.” She was just like, “I love that it’s not about the characters being gay. It’s about the character finding love, about the family wanting the character to be in a relationship no matter who it is.”

It’s nice to have something like this where you don’t, again, see that homophobia, you don’t see the negativity behind it. But you see a family rallying behind their son. I feel like that is so monumental to have. I got a Twitter DM yesterday from a gentleman; he lives in a different country. And he was saying where he is, it is a crime to be gay. He watched the film and he had said for the first time he felt like he had been seen. And that gave him hope.

That must mean a tremendous amount to you.

I cried. It means a lot to me that it’s affecting people in the way that it affected me. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to stand in the forefront for people and be that conduit. Like I said in another interview, Nick made me accept myself even more.

In what ways did playing the character make you feel more comfortable with your sexuality?

It’s different when your life is private. It is such a difference when you’re not in [the] public eye, when people really don’t know who you are. It’s easier to live your life how you wanna live your life. You can go out. You can be with your boyfriend or your girlfriend, whatever. But there is a difference when now you are in [the] spotlight and people are trying to figure out who you are, what you do, who you’re dating. I’m like, “Why do you wanna know who I’m dating?” I’m single. I do feel like I’m like Beyoncé — you know, the relationship is private until [points to his finger and motions putting a ring on it]. Just saying.

I just feel like that’s a personal thing. But with accepting myself, I accepted myself. I did. If people would ask, I would tell them. But it was more the liberation that I got from playing Nick, because Nick is how I am with my family. My mom is just like, “OK, is this the boyfriend?” I’m like, “Mom, no. It is not. This is a friend.”

When I got home and I really sat down and got to think about everything, I was like, this is the representation that I needed when I was a kid. And now I’m gonna have to talk to people about this and I’m able to now, versus before it was a touchier subject. I’m like, why not stand in the forefront? Why not be that vessel? Why not be that conduit to embrace fully who I am? I feel like as we get older, the idea of trying to put on for people should go away. I’m just at that point in my life where I genuinely love who I am. I owe a lot of it to Nick, in [the] sense of how he is and how the Harrison family was with him. It just showed that these types of things can be normal.

Did Michael give you tips on navigating being out in the public eye?

Michael gave me more tips on how to navigate the industry in a sense of just being an actor. He has been truly a blessing. So has Jennifer Robertson (as Lisa, Peter’s sister). So has Kathy Najimy (as Carole, Peter’s mom). So has Barry Bostwick (as Harold, Peter’s dad). Even Jennifer Coolidge (who plays Peter’s Aunt Sandy) has given me advice. Rookie amongst veterans.

What advice did Jennifer Coolidge give you? And was there any bend and snap action on set?

You said bend and snap? You talkin’ about [does a little snap]. Jennifer Coolidge, her advice was, “Have fun.” Jennifer Coolidge’s approach to everything — she does not know what she’s gonna do until she does it.

The chemistry between you and Michael seemed so easy.

The thing about being in a pandemic is everything is over Zoom. Me and Michael, we did our chemistry read over Zoom. And we had to give chemistry over Zoom, which is kind of a tough thing to do because it’s hard to sometimes articulate. But honestly, when me and Michael started, everything clicked. It was an automatic thing. It was not forced. We were able to play off of each other over Zoom. I remember getting off of Zoom and going into my sister’s room and being like, “I don’t know what just happened, but I love it.”

What does it mean to you to be a queer person of color playing this character?

I echo this a lot: I am what I needed when I was younger. It’s one of those things where I still have my pinch me moments. To be at the forefront where there is a story out there for young Black men who are maybe questioning themselves or already know who they are, that is positive, that [says] you can come out, you can say these things, you can be yourself, and there is a family out there that will love you, genuinely and unconditionally for who you are — it still is one of those things where I am still taken aback, still humbled. I’m just very, very grateful to have this moment. I text my team every day — I even message Netflix [laughs] — And I’m like, “Thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to be a vessel and to be a conduit.” It means the world to me.

What about a sequel? There’s been talk, and you can tell me. This is a safe place.

The non-answer answer to that is, Chris, if you must know, Netflix is amazing. And you know, there’s no telling what you’ll see from Nick and Peter.

As much as I am interested in knowing what happens with Nick and Peter in a potential sequel, I am also interested in knowing what it means for them when it comes to Aunt Sandy’s annual pageant in New Hampshire.

You know what? I feel like, if anything, what should happen is Nick and Peter should be in the pageant. We could do a whole little thing. We could act along with Aunt Sandy. I’m just saying.

She’s a tough director. Do you think you have what it takes to be in her pageant?

You know, I can scream. And I can remember my lines.

Chris Azzopardi is the Editorial Director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate, the national LGBTQ+ wire service. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

‘Coming Out Colton’ Bares Not All But A Lot

by
Colton Underwood

By Lawrence Ferber

When former star of “The Bachelor” and pro football player Colton Underwood came out on a “Good Morning America” interview in April 2021, there was one question interviewer Robin Roberts didn’t ask: What’s your type?

Fortunately, fellow out athlete Gus Kenworthy presses Underwood for that tidbit — the answer is daddies, y’all! — in the first episode of Netflix’s six episode docuseries “Coming Out Colton.” For those unfamiliar, Underwood’s claim to fame and infamy was his season as the “virgin” Bachelor, subsequent to which he became obsessed with, stalked, and terrorized contestant Cassie Randolph, who ultimately filed a restraining order against him.

To its credit, the series doesn’t absolve Underwood of this behavior — he’ll be read to filth both virtually and to his face by the final episode — but it does go a long way to explaining how he became such a hot closeted mess.

The first four episodes are entirely dedicated to preparation for the “GMA” interview by coming out to family members and friends, seeking advice from Kenworthy and other gay sports figures like NFL trailblazer David Kopay and Esera Tuaolo, and tackling the toxic religious and sports world homophobia that twisted him so profoundly (and led to a suicide attempt).

The first couple of episodes are annoyingly repetitive in their structure (coming out, advice session, rinse, repeat). But what packs a punch is Underwood explaining to a high school coach how the flippant, virulently antigay things he heard from fellow teens and mentors alike caused pain both then and now, seeking ownership from the man for allowing and engaging in that behavior. And a scene in the religion-centric fourth episode (a tedious, fast-forward affair if you consider religion bunk or didn’t suffer that same upbringing), when Underwood seeks acceptance from his pastor via telephone call but instead receives an earful on the sinfulness of homosexuality and gay marriage because “the Bible makes it pretty clear,” legit sucks to watch. A crushed Underwood admits the call creates confusion and doubt even now, and he wonders if the devil’s working through him.

Underwood’s so green about all things LGBTQ+ that Kenworthy is like his Gay 101 teacher, schooling him in terms like PrEP. And it’s cringey to witness the pair visit a gay sex and clothing shop for the first time — when trying on a leather harness, Underwood asks “what’s the point of this?” to which Kenworthy responds, “dancing and vibing” — and meet with a central casting group of white as fuck male cisgays in Nashville for a “coming out party.”

Things get more interesting during episode five, titled “Public,” which focuses on Colton before and after the “GMA” interview, and lifts the veil on what the hell Underwood was thinking during his ‘Bachelor” run.As Kenworthy notes in Ricky Ricardo-speak en route to “GMA,” “You kind of have some explaining to do.” And he does.

Although all reality series are contrived and Underwood is a {ITAL major} reality whore (the Netflix series was announced the day after the “GMA” interview aired), it’s hard to deny the sincerity also at play when Underwood reveals his “Bachelor”-era motive to create a public persona as heterosexual on TV, and forge a relationship with Randolph, so he’d become straight off-camera. That’s so messed up, right?

Randolph reportedly declined to take part in the Netflix series (despite offers of compensation), but other “Bachelor” and “Bachelor”-adjacent personalities join by the final episode, plus there’s a clip from the show. Frankly, “Bachelor” clips and news reports at the show’s front end would have been helpful for context and served as reminder why his coming out carries weight in certain circles (and Twitter). And there’s a ridiculous, cheesy, out-of-nowhere montage of gay trailblazers at the end which essentially places Underwood in the same context — and his coming out of the same impact — with Christine Jorgensen, Matthew Shepard’s murder, and Harvey Milk, which overstates his importance to a ludicrous, tasteless degree.

And who do I want to give my rose to? One of the series’ most memorable inclusions: Pastor Nicole Garcia, the first transgender woman of color to be ordained, part Judge Judy and part Dr. Phil minus the quackery and epic eye-rolling. She serves Underwood (who, spoiler alert, ditches his homophobic pastor and joins the LGBTQ-inclusive Metropolitan Community Church) a dose of seasoned, fierce wisdom and humility we could use more of. Can we get a “Pastor Garcia” season order, please?